Finding cozy in your own company
In which our heroine spends some time with her spirit
Hi sweet friend,
Recently I found myself alone in a town mostly unfamiliar to me for the weekend, with several unscheduled hours to fill. I was supposed to meet a friend, but sadly she caught a bug and was too sick to join me. Instead, I had two days to do whatever I fancied while my husband, Lucas, participated in the WI Bike MS ride. I savored my time with my book over coffee at a local shop, walked along the Wisconsin River, hiked in my favorite state park, and stumbled upon a sweet little lavender farm.
This experience got me thinking about how much time I spend alone. As an introvert who worked from home for almost seven years, that added up to a lot of time. Lucas and I don’t work the same schedule, so once I’m done with work, there are still several hours before he gets home and we have dinner together.
I love to be in my house — how I spend my time there is a pretty big theme of this publication. Sometimes, however, I get lost in the scroll on my phone and overwhelmed with all the different things I could be doing at home: crafting, reading, cleaning, painting, etc. I know it means that I need to get up and get out and be in my community, experience new things, and see my neighbors’ friendly faces.
Enter the solo date.
Now is the moment for joy.
In general, I don’t really believe in saving things for later or for a special occasion. I don’t feel that we should delay our joy when we have the means and opportunity to fill our cups.
So in the same vein, I don’t want to wait until I have the perfect companion to do the things I’d like to do. Don’t get me wrong, I love hanging out with my friends — making time for them is deeply important to me. But I also have social anxiety and sometimes get overwhelmed with scheduling plans because I don’t know what mood I’ll be in on the day. I also sometimes simply don’t have the mental energy for the whole “what should we do?” back and forth.
So when the spirit of adventure calls on a Friday afternoon and I’m home alone, it’s up to me to take myself on that adventure.
It’s okay to feel a little sad.
As I was reading my book with my smoothie bowl up in the Wisconsin Dells, a feeling of loneliness crept in. The truth is — as my therapist and I frequently discuss — it’s okay to feel more than one thing at a time. I can feel lonely and maybe a bit sad to not be sharing my experience with anyone. At the same time, I can feel at peace and completely free to follow my own needs and desires.
I could have asked a friend to come up with me the next day so I wouldn't be alone. But even with those little pangs of loneliness, the freedom to be my own guide was stronger and I wanted to continue to follow it. Thus I found myself virtually walking alongside Sam, Frodo, and Smeagol through the dead marshes… I mean hiking at Devil’s Lake State Park listening to the audiobook of The Two Towers.
Life is all about finding the right balance, accepting the feelings that come up and carrying on toward the things that will create joy.
A few solo dates I’ve taken myself on - I hope they spark ideas for you:
Wine & cheese: I’m still a bit intimidated by a whole dinner out by myself, but I recently took myself to a cute little spot in my neighborhood for a personal charcuterie board and a glass of rose. I sat in the sunshine on the patio as the day faded into evening. Delightful!
Art museum: My office in DC used to be very close to my favorite art museum, The Phillips Collection. I loved to sneak into the museum for an hour or two before catching my flight back home. To really romanticize the moment, I popped in my airpods and listened to this playlist. The whole experience is giving Emily in Paris in the best way.
Picnic in the park: As a Wisconsin girl, I’m always trying to maximize time spent outside during our limited window after the spring rain subsides but before the autumn chill fully sets in. “Picnic” might even be too strong a word for what I’m talking about here. But when I have an available hour or two, I love to pack up a blanket, a book, and a snack and settle in under a beautiful, shady tree.
Bookstore: This is actually so dangerous, but one of my favorite things to do on my afternoon solo dates is to head to a bookstore and wander between the shelves. I tell myself I’m just there to browse and see what’s new. Just days ago I “just popped in” to my favorite bookstore in town and left with three new books. WHOOPS. I love going to the bookstore on my own because I can look at everything I want to with no time limit. I’m not constantly gauging whether the people I’m with are still having fun or are itching to leave.
Coffee to stay: My most frequent solo date is probably just going to my local coffee shop and sitting with my book for an hour. Having this intentional time helps me get off my phone and focus on my reading without all the distractions that exist at home. Plus, at my favorite coffee shop I get a punch on my punch card every time I have my latte in the shop!
Errands, romanticized: The UPS store where I drop off my clothing rental box every month is right by my favorite little street in my town. While of course I could drive over, drop my box, and drive home, I love to make it into a whole outing. I’ll drop my box, then walk over to the bookstore or go pick out a special snack from Trader Joe’s. Suddenly an annoying chore across town becomes a gift of time from me to me.
The short version? Find a cute place, bring a book, and you’re in for a treat.
Have you taken yourself on a solo date recently? I’d love to hear where you went in the comments!
Finally, your cozy inspiration for the week:
I’ve been really enjoying checking out cookbooks from the library lately. Sometimes I get so bored of looking at all my same cookbooks week after week. I love that I essentially get to take them on a test drive to see if I want to add them to my collection. My favorite I’ve checked out recently was The Cottagecore Baking Book! I will definitely be buying a copy of this one.