Lessons on cozy living from a hard year
In which our heroine learns some new things
This year was one of the hardest I’ve ever had. At the same time, it was full of beautiful moments, a community I worked so hard to build, and an opportunity to be still — even when I didn’t really want to be.
In April, alongside many of my colleagues, I was laid off from a job that I loved, where I had built a team that I loved even more. Since I launched this newsletter in the midst of that experience, I’ve been thinking about how I want to write about and reflect on the experience. The truth is, I’m still not quite sure. There were so many emotions to navigate — relief, grief, fear, possibility — that I think I’m still working through many of them. During those months, I felt like I was on an endless hamster wheel, constantly going through the same motions: researching jobs, writing cover letters, preparing for interviews, avoiding my inbox for fear of yet another rejection. It was one of the hardest things I’ve been through.
But looking back on this year, I learned so much — about myself, about the life I want to live, and the things that truly matter most to me.
For better or for worse, everything is temporary.
One of my 2024 goals was to learn more about paganism and how — and if — I want to apply its practices and lessons to my own life. I’m still very much a novice witch, but I found myself particularly clinging to the turning of the wheel of the year. I loved marking the sabbaths this year, hanging a cloth outside my door for Brigid to bless for Spring, inviting my friends over for a Mabon party to welcome Autumn. For each sabbath, I found a tarot spread that would help me reflect on the season. It’s so beautiful to move in tandem with nature, to really immerse in a particular season, knowing it won’t be forever. The wheel continues to turn.
It helped me to know that the hard times wouldn’t be forever. This season would end, as would the next. I just needed to focus on getting there and moving forward. On the flip side, of course it means the magical moments are also not forever. So that’s why I want to do my best to sit in the magic and really feel it, to notice the tiny things that make life so beautiful.
When my time is only up to me, all I want to do is make things.
I had a lot of time on my hands this year. I had days stretching ahead of me, waiting to be filled. I made a commitment to myself that during the week, I’d spend at least a couple hours a day on job searching. The rest of the time was up to me. I realized that if money was no object and I got to choose how to spend my time, all I really want to do is create.
Around this time, I launched Cozy Pursuits, my favorite thing I’ve made this year. Today, there are 181 of us hanging out in this cozy little internet cottage. Having this space to write to all of you has been such a gift. Thank you so much for being here.
When I wasn’t writing or making little videos on Instagram, I was working on creative pursuits for the cottage. I spent a magical few days painting a mural in my bathroom filled with flowers, vines, cranes, and quails. I once took an entire Tuesday to make raspberry pistachio eclairs to take to a dinner party. I painted flowers on candlesticks and chairs and birds on my ceiling.
Now that I have a 9-5 again, I’m once again trying to find time for creativity. I have not mastered this and I can tell it has an impact on my overall well-being. So this will be a big goal for 2025!
Friendship and community can truly save you.
I remember a day over the summer that I was feeling really low. All I wanted to do was lay on the couch with my rewatch of Downton Abbey. But we had plans with our friends that evening to go to one of the summer festivals I love so much, one of my favorite parts of a Madison summer. I texted Lucas that afternoon and said I didn’t want to go anymore, that I would stay home by myself. I’m so glad I changed my mind.
At the last minute, I told Lucas to come pick me up and that I’d go to the festival for an hour. I won’t lie, it took a lot of energy for me to get myself off the couch and out of the house. Once I was there, eating my favorite cheese curds and chatting with my friends, listening to children sing karaoke to “espresso” by Sabrina Carpenter, I felt a sense of peace. When we left, I still felt sad — those feelings don’t just go away. But I no longer felt alone.
I wrote earlier this year about how I made a concerted effort in 2023 to make more friends in my town. I think maybe the universe had sent me some sort of message that I would need them this year. My friends showed up for me in both big and small ways, from inviting me out for happy hour or coffee to connecting me with even the loosest professional connections and reading so many of my cover letters. My book club ladies came up to Madison for a weekend just to cheer me up — a truly healing experience.
If there’s one thing you do in 2025, put your energy into building your community. You never know how much you’ll need it.
There is nothing so luxurious as a slow morning with a book.
My word of the year in 2024 was “simplicity.” Sometimes the universe has a bit of a cruel sense of humor. She said “oh, you want life to be simple? I’ll take away all the structure and leave it all up to you.”
I don’t know that I was able to fully live up to what I hoped when I chose that word in January. However, I did give myself one simple gift during my… unexpected free time: the gift of slow mornings. When I wasn’t working, I felt strongly that I would not sleep my mornings away, but that I would get up at a reasonable hour and spend time moving slowly. After lunch, I’d head to the computer to do my job searching work for the day. But my mornings were just for me.
I got up, made myself a latte and a nourishing breakfast, then cozied up by the window looking out at the lake with a book. I watched a lot of cozy lifestyle vlogs on YouTube. I think they appeal to me since they support my desire for simplicity. There’s no drama or plot to follow, just sweet people making beautiful things and romanticizing the everyday.
To me, there’s no greater luxury than having the time to just be, with no pressure to go anywhere or do anything. Now that I’m back to work, rushing out the door at 8:04 when I aimed to leave at 7:45, I miss those slow mornings. Sadly it seems impossible for me to get out of bed before 7:00. Next year, I want to find more time for slow mornings, despite being a chronic overscheduler!
Being able to walk into your closet will make getting dressed much easier. Who knew?
I loved the capsule wardrobe I created for my trip to Scotland in the Fall. It made getting dressed so easy and fun — and I actually felt more creative with my limited options. I think I changed my clothes at least three times a day because I was so excited to try out different outfit combinations. I hung up my clothes in each of our hotels and it felt so right to go in and pick out what I was going to wear that day.
When we got back from our trip, I pulled out everything that was taking up the floor of my tiny closet, preventing me from even getting inside to access my clothes. I’ve just scratched the surface, but I’ve come to a place where my sweaters aren’t falling on me when I walk into my closet and I can actually see all my dresses.
I’ll continue this goal in 2025, but I feel great about the progress I’ve made.
There is never a wrong time to start taking care of your mental health.
I can’t leave you without talking about how important it is to care for your mental health. Seeing my therapist every other week was one of the most helpful ways I got through a really trying time in my life. Talking through things with her helped me to find ways to be kinder to myself and to cope with fear and rejection.
Therapy has been extremely positive for me and it also has been helpful for those around me. Understanding myself and my thought patterns helps me to navigate social situations better and to be able to show up for my friends. Of course my husband and my friends are willing to listen to all my issues and happy to help me work through them. But having a neutral person who I know is only there to support me, challenge me, and work through things with me means I don’t have to put that on my relationships.
I also take medication! Maybe that feels inappropriate to mention, but one of my friends once said to me “it’s okay if your serotonin is store-bought.” Yes, it is!
Thanks so much for being here, you’ve been a bright spot in my year.
All my love,
Kylin Anne
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This was a NICE read. Great editing 😘
Great read, Kyli. Sounds like we had a similar year as I also had some unexpected down time between jobs. Your prioritization of creativity and slow living resonated with me as did the duality of big feelings during the down time. Thank you for sharing.